I'd just come out of the shop with a meat
and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas &
a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat
there and said 'I' haven't eaten for two
days' I told him 'I wish I had your
f**king will power'
Top tip; if you're camping in the summer
and the attractive girl in the next tent
tells you that because it's so hot she
will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's
not necessarily an invitation to casual
sex........... Wish me luck; I appear in
court next Monday.
I got fired on my first day as a male
masseuse today.. Apparently the
instruction 'finish off on her face'
didn't mean what I thought it did.
A fat girl served me food in McDonald's at
lunch time. She said 'sorry about the
wait.' I said 'don't worry Chubby, you're
bound to lose it eventually.'
Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal
said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I
thought to myself "fat chance with a face
like that!"
I have a new pick up line that works every
time. It doesn't matter how gorgeous or
out of my league a woman might be, this
line is a winner & I always end up in bed
with them. Here's how it goes 'Excuse me
love, could I ask your opinion? Does this
damp cloth smell like chloroform to you?'
Years ago it was suggested that an apple a
day kept the doctor away. But since almost
all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found
that a bacon sandwich works best!
I took my Biology exam last Friday. I was
asked to name two things commonly found in
cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans"
were not the correct answers.
