A LITTLE HISTORY LESSEN HERE!
The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist
threats, and have therefore raised their security level from
"Miffed" to "Peeved". Soon, though, security levels may be raised
yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have
not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies
nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"
to "A Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody
Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish
Armada.
The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's
get the Bastards". They don't have any other levels. This is the
reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for
the last 300 years.
The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its
terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels
in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was
precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag
factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels
remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".
The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful
Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs". They also
have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose".
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only
threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.
The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to
deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the
new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.
Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive
strikes on all of their allies "just in case".
Canada doesn't have any alert levels.
New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA".
Due to continuing defense cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more
level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue
us".
Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be alright, mate". Three more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this
weekend" and "The barbie is cancelled". So far no situation has
ever warranted use of the final escalation level.
WELL,at least the last part Chris should have liked.
