Author Topic: The wife's back on the warpath again  (Read 4503 times)

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Offline Engineer

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The wife's back on the warpath again
« on: February 07, 2013, 08:06:45 AM »


The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie
last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her
part.
 

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or
"foreplay" as she likes to call it.
 

 Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of
the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I
made it home OK!
 

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were
going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she killed
herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "fxxk it, soldier
on!"
 

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told
her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"
 
 
 
The wife said she'd be ok with a threesome.  She asked which of her
friends I'd like to sleep with.  Apparently I wasn't suppose to give her
two names.
 
 
 
I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got
downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not
breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered
McDonald's serves breakfast until 11:30.
 

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she
screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!"
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay

Offline Nutz4sand

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Re: The wife's back on the warpath again
« Reply #1 on: February 07, 2013, 08:21:16 AM »
Great but the last two were my favs!
Your mission isn't to dive feet first into hell, but to make sure its crowded when you get there.

Offline fabr

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Re: The wife's back on the warpath again
« Reply #2 on: February 07, 2013, 11:16:47 AM »
LOL!!! Trouble in paradise,engineer?
"There can be no divided allegiance here.  Any man who says he is an American,
but something else also, isn't an American at all.  We have room for but one
flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is
the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a
loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907

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"I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots" Albert Einstein  (IT'S OFFICIAL THAT DAY IS HERE NOW!)