Author Topic: ostrich  (Read 920 times)

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Offline Baloo

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ostrich
« on: February 03, 2012, 01:19:43 PM »

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.
The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same please," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order.
"That will be $10.60 please," she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A Hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount.
For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad" Says the man.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $24.75."
Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir.
How do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was clearing the attic and
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and
offered me just two wishes. My First wish was that if I ever had to pay
for anything, I would just put my Hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a couple of million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses, and replies,

"My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs who
agrees with everything I say."

Offline Baloo

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Re: ostrich
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2012, 01:22:18 PM »
They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place.

A few drinks later, Jack takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again.

The girl has been watching him and says, 'You must be a dentist.'

Jack, surprised, says 'Yes....how did you figure that out?'

'Easy,' she replied, 'you keep washing your hands.'

One thing led to another and they make love.

After they were done, the girl says, 'You must be a good dentist.'

Jack, now smiling with a boosted ego says, 'Sure, I'm a good dentist, How did you figure that out?'

'Didn't feel a thing!'
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Offline Baloo

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Re: ostrich
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2012, 01:33:29 PM »
Did you hear how the blind circumcisionist lost his job?

He got the sack...

Offline Baloo

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Re: ostrich
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2012, 01:35:09 PM »
Murphy calls in to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing. Could ya nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!".

"I'll prove it," Murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

Offline Baloo

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Re: ostrich
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2012, 01:38:52 PM »

Offline Baloo

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Re: ostrich
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2012, 01:40:13 PM »
An elderly man walked into a confessional. The following conversation with the priest ensues:



Man: 'I am 92 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years, many children,

grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking.

We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them three times."



Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'



Man: 'What sins?'



Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'



Man: 'I'm Jewish.'



Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'



Man: 'I'm 92 years old ... I'm telling everybody..'

Offline Baloo

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Re: ostrich
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2012, 01:43:11 PM »

Offline fabr

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Re: ostrich
« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2012, 05:40:55 PM »
Murphy calls in to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing. Could ya nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!".

"I'll prove it," Murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D rofl rofl rofl ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
"There can be no divided allegiance here.  Any man who says he is an American,
but something else also, isn't an American at all.  We have room for but one
flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is
the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a
loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907

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"I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots" Albert Einstein  (IT'S OFFICIAL THAT DAY IS HERE NOW!)