Author Topic: harley rider  (Read 916 times)

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Offline Baloo

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harley rider
« on: February 03, 2012, 01:14:51 PM »
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly
The sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said,
'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
One wish.'

The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride
Over anytime I want.'



The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous
Challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required reaching the
Bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will
Nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for
Me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and
Think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time.


Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand women;
I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me
The silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's Wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a
Woman truly happy.'



The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?

Offline Baloo

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Re: harley rider
« Reply #1 on: February 03, 2012, 02:08:17 PM »
A blonde, out of money and down on her luck needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree.

The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

Offline Baloo

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Re: harley rider
« Reply #2 on: February 03, 2012, 02:11:15 PM »
Blonde crashes car, when questioned by police she said she swerved to avoid tree and it did not matter which way she went she could not miss it.


Policeman leans in and removes pine air freshener from interior mirror!

Offline Baloo

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Re: harley rider
« Reply #3 on: February 03, 2012, 02:13:08 PM »
A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".

Ronan, the class nerd gets up and says...
"last year I got the measles and Mum said it was contagious".

"Well done Ronan" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says
"my grandma says there is a bug going round and its definitely contagious".

"Well done Katie" say the teacher. "Anyone else?"

"I have got one" says little Irish Sean.
"Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious"


Offline Baloo

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Re: harley rider
« Reply #4 on: February 03, 2012, 02:14:32 PM »

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.
"Hey, girls," says the brunette one day, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss.

She quietly sneaks out of the house and vows to return home at her normal time the next day.
In the morning, the brunette says: "That was fun, we should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

Offline Baloo

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Re: harley rider
« Reply #5 on: February 03, 2012, 02:15:50 PM »

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green .'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
'Mister manager, I am ready'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green ,
and I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.

Offline Baloo

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Re: harley rider
« Reply #6 on: February 03, 2012, 02:20:25 PM »
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.

English engineers heard about the gun and were eager to test it on the windshields of their new high speed trains. Arrangements were made. But when the gun was fired, the engineers stood shocked as the chicken hurtled out of the barrel, crashed into the shatterproof shield, smashed it to smithereens, crashed through the control console, snapped the engineer's backrest in two and embedded itself in the back wall of the cab.

Horrified english engineers sent NASA the disastrous results of the experiment,along with the designs of the windshield, and begged the US scientists for suggestions.

NASA's response was just one sentence "Thaw the chicken freekin first."

Offline fabr

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Re: harley rider
« Reply #7 on: February 03, 2012, 05:35:12 PM »
A teacher asks her class to use the word "contagious".

Ronan, the class nerd gets up and says...
"last year I got the measles and Mum said it was contagious".

"Well done Ronan" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?

Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says
"my grandma says there is a bug going round and its definitely contagious".

"Well done Katie" say the teacher. "Anyone else?"

"I have got one" says little Irish Sean.
"Our next door neighbour is painting his house with a 2 inch brush and my Dad says it will take the contagious"
LOL!!! Had to think about that one for a bit. LOL!!!!!!
"There can be no divided allegiance here.  Any man who says he is an American,
but something else also, isn't an American at all.  We have room for but one
flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is
the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a
loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907

-----------------------------------------------------------
"I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots" Albert Einstein  (IT'S OFFICIAL THAT DAY IS HERE NOW!)

Offline fabr

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Re: harley rider
« Reply #8 on: February 03, 2012, 05:36:39 PM »
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India .

The Personnel Manager said, 'Mujibar,
you have passed all the tests, except one.
Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job.'

Mujibar said, 'I am ready.'

The manager said,
'Make a sentence using the words
Yellow, Pink, and Green .'

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,
'Mister manager, I am ready'

The manager said, 'Go ahead.'

Mujibar said,
'The telephone goes green, green ,
and I pink it up, and say,
Yellow, this is Mujibar.'

Mujibar now works at a call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.
+1!!!!!!
"There can be no divided allegiance here.  Any man who says he is an American,
but something else also, isn't an American at all.  We have room for but one
flag, the American flag... We have room for but one language here, and that is
the English language... and we have room for but one sole loyalty and that is a
loyalty to the American people."
Theodore Roosevelt 1907

-----------------------------------------------------------
"I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots" Albert Einstein  (IT'S OFFICIAL THAT DAY IS HERE NOW!)